Observations of a Drifter

Christianity: Masculine is the way?

2012-02-02T15:46:00.000-06:00

Recently a lot has been going around the Internet circlesabout comments from John Piper regarding God’s intention for Christianity tohave a “masculine feel.” As is a new practice of mine, I took some time tothink about my response before I put it together. I’ve learned this to a be agood way to completely engage my comments with the source of controversy, butmore importantly that I don’t say something I’m going to really regret later.So, here is my attempt to address this topic.

In an article from www.christianpost.com,evangelist John Piper is quoted as saying,

"God revealed Himself in the Bible pervasively as kingnot queen; father not mother," Piper said at this year's annual pastorsconference hosted by the Desiring God ministry. "Second person of theTrinity is revealed as the eternal Son not daughter; the Father and the Soncreate man and woman in His image and give them the name man, the name of themale."
He continued, "God appoints all the priests in the OldTestament to be men; the Son of God came into the world to be a man; He chose12 men to be His apostles; the apostles appointed that the overseers of theChurch be men; and when it came to marriage they taught that the husband shouldbe the head."
"Now, from all of that I conclude that God has givenChristianity a masculine feel. And being God, a God of love, He has done thatfor our maximum flourishing both male and female."

First, having read the article numerous times and seeingother responses from colleagues, my initial reaction stayed the same, sickness.I say this as a pastor, a theological school graduate, and a Christian. Piperdoes acknowledge the potential for controversy in his statements, but doesn’tfind a way to explain how the controversy is misplaced. That leads me tobelieve that this is indeed a moment of learning for all of us on how words dohurt, and can cause damage. I see this as sexism institutionalized.

My journey in faith has been eclectic at best, and at worstit’s been a struggle to continue any relationship within the organized church.I’ve been in communities with all types of theologies and practices, and feelthat I’ve landed where I am based on a calling from God and a willingness toaccept uncertainty. However, none of this would have been possible without theguidance, support, and leadership of women. I’ve have served in churches underthe direct supervision of three female clergy at this point in my life, so Ithink I’m able to look at the issue of church sexism pretty well. Moreimportantly, more women than I can count have made me who I am today. Soeither, a statement about the masculine favor of God is off base, or the Godthat I’ve discovered is a heck of a lot different than the one in the church.

Piper frames his comments in this way,

"It's the feel of a great, majestic God who is by Hisredeeming work in Christ inclining men to humble Christ-exalting initiativesand inclining women to come alongside those men with joyful support,intelligent helpfulness, and fruitful partnership in the work."

The words “inclining women to come alongside those men withjoyful support…” hits me the hardest. In a world of spin, I’m sure one can tryto convince us that this is a positive statement, but I see nothing positiveabout it. It clearly sets up a hierarchical relationship in which males are theleaders and the women assist them. This strikes me strange on a personal andprofessional level. Having been raised by a single mother, I realize the fallacyin stating that a man’s leadership is needed in a family for things to be “right.”I, and many others, can attest to the inaccuracy of that assumption. As Ialready stated, it has been the leadership of women that has lead me tounderstanding my calling within the church. Through that calling, I’m remindedof a Bible study I lead in my first year of ministry where I asked a simplequestion, “Why do we view God as male?” I expected a slow response from the group,but to my surprise one woman spoke up right away and said, “Because a bunch ofmen put the stories together.” In that moment, I realized it wasn’t theexpensive seminary education that lead me to my views, but basic common senseabout context of history. This woman realized the relationship between authors andeditors to their context, and that women had not been treated the best throughouthistory.

Biblically, the story of the Syrophoenician woman speaks theloudest to the role of women in faith. It’s a great text of liberation from aclassist and sexist system, one that I believe opened the eyes of Jesus to abroader context, a context that brought a ministry to more than the people ofIsrael. We should be thankful for that woman’s speaking of truth to power.Secondly, I think of the great Easter story and to whom the risen Christ wasfirst revealed. In Luke 24, we read about the women being the first to know ofthe risen Jesus, able to be the first to realize the words had been fulfilled.Women had the inside track to defining moment of Christianity. If we believe Jesusto be equally divine and equally human, than I think God wasn’t so worried aboutthe “masculinity” of Christianity, as much as God is worried about the love andgrace we spread from Jesus.

I’m sure I rambled a lot in this blog entry, but this is myreturn to blogging. I felt this issue was what I needed to get back into it. Inclosing, as pastor, teacher, student, and follower of Jesus I want it to beknown that I find these statements troubling and damaging. If it were not forthe influence of women in leadership I would not be in the church today. Toquote Ani DiFranco, “Why can't all decent men and women call themselvesfeminists?”

Grace and Peace,

Prayer at the Legislature

2011-05-18T17:04:00.001-05:00

I promised some people I would post this, and finally have some free time to get around to it. This is the prayer I shared before the Nebraska Legislature on March 8, 2011.

Amazing Creator,

We pause this day to give thanks. Thanks for the lives we've been given, thanks for the opportunities you've called us to. We pray your blessing among us gathered here, and those throughout the global village. We may seek you by different names, in different places, but we are all connected to one another.

Gracious God, we ask that you strengthen those who have been called to serve in this room. Guide them in their deliberations as they seek to find solutions to the issues in our society. Be with them as they make decisions, so that they may see your vision for love, mercy, and justice. Let them know that though the rewards may be unseen, the work today is important for the future.

In an ever increasingly divided society, we seek to become more inclusive in our practices; seeking civility and peace. May your blessings fall upon this place, causing us to recognize the lives affected by the work done here. Humble us in our callings as leaders, community, members, and people in a greater humanity.

We pray these things in your name. Amen.

Letter to Congregations on the Death of Osama bin Laden

2011-05-05T10:12:00.000-05:00

The events of the last week have weighed heavy on my heart. Last Sunday night as I was watching the announcement by President Obama that Osama bin Laden, leader of a terrorist organization, had been killed by U.S. forces in Pakistan. In the age of social media and 24-hour news cycles, the responses of individuals came rushing into the world. The responses were varied, some well thought out, some very visceral. One thing was clear, a chapter in our history had just been closed.

In reviewing responses of people on Facebook and Twitter, and seeing images on the different news stations, the overriding response was joy, celebration, and pride. As I sat there something didn’t sit easy with me, I honestly felt sick and had to sit in silence for a few moments. There seemed to be something wrong with this type of response from the masses. I was most troubled by those who would claim a blessing from God upon our nation by providing the death of this man. The thought that God has played a part in any of this was not isolated to a few zealous Christian fundamentalist, but people I know very well who many would classify as very devote Christians who follow Christ closely. (Some would even be called left-wing crazies!)

I do not want it to be thought that I look past the teachings or actions of Osama bin Laden throughout his life, nor do I think that it is realistic that he would ever be brought to a courtroom alive, it is the response of so many people that has lain heavy on my heart. Is celebration of any death a Christian virtue? There is nothing in any of my study, prayer, or faith experience that can comprehend that celebration of any killing is a faithful way to serve our God. Some claim the stories of the Hebrew Scriptures (Old Testament) of God’s judgment and wrath as precedent for this type of celebration, but I must say this is a strong misreading and interpretation of God and Jewish practice.

I share with you the practice of the Seder Meal during Passover. During the meal the Ten Plagues on Egypt are recounted that lead to the freedom of the Jewish people. With the recital of the Ten Plagues, each participant removes a drop of wine from his or her cup and places it on the tablecloth. Although this night is one of salvation, the Sages explain that one cannot be completely joyous when some of God's creatures had to suffer. So even though the deaths were needed for the freedom of Israel from slavery, mourning is still the proper response to those deaths. We can mourn for the systems in the world that create violent behavior and thought, that create people like bin Laden, but celebrating the death only continues the cycle. Celebrating this death with such joy only perpetuates the things we find so disturbing about terrorist like bin Laden.

I leave you with this quote from Martin Luther King, Jr. from his writing Where Do We Go from Here: Chaos or Community?(1967):

Through violence you may murder the liar, but you cannot murder the lie, nor establish the truth. Through violence you may murder the hater, but you do not murder hate. In fact, violence merely increases hate. So it goes… Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.

In Prayer,

A New Day

2011-03-28T18:00:00.000-05:00

It has been way too long since I've done anything with this blog. I've had lots to say, but life was just moving so fast I didn't see a good time to pause and write. However, I think this is about to change. I am sitting in the airport in Washington, D.C. right now, returning home from Ecumenical Advocacy Days 2011. It was a great event that really changed my motivation for ministry, but energized me to move forward.

The conference was opened and closed by amazing plenary sessions. I'll go into more detail about each of them in later posts, but this quote was shared during the first session. It is from Sally McFague's book, A New Climate Theology. In it, McFague says:

“If God is always incarnate-- if God is always in us and we are in God-- then Christians should attend to the model of the word as God’s body. The model of the world as God’s body helps us understand the doctrine of creation is not about God’s power, but about God’s love.”

A new understanding of creation leads us to a new understanding of our life and our purpose within creation. Everything around us is part of God's body, created by God's love. It was from this perspective I began my time at Ecumenical Advocacy Days. We were there to seek peace and justice through God's love, for God's creation.

In the closing session, Jack Jezreel of JustFaith Ministries shared great insight into why we do the work of justice and peace. Jezreel left little room for us to stay silent in our collective witness for God. His goal for the night was to make us uncomfortable with our current place in our mission. He was very successful, but it made me uncomfortable in a way to motivates. I feel bad that I've been complacent in what I've done and haven't done. Jezreel shared this insight with us later in the evening:

"Churches are not losing members because they are wrong...it's because they aren't courageous."

We in the church like to blame each other for the failings of the church. In the United Methodist Church, in which I serve, it usually comes down to a conservative/liberal type argument. After thinking about it, both sides are correct. We are all to blame. I don't think we do enough when it comes to justice. We don't work for the rights of each and every person in the global community. This causes people to avoid the church, to find alternative ways of expressing their spirituality, and to work for justice wherever the opportunity arrises. It's time for the church to be courageous, to take major risks, to be heroic in the struggle for God's love to be realized by all.

I'll share more in the coming days, as well as some pictures. I just wanted to get the first post up so that I started the process again. Who knows, if my plane gets delayed any more, maybe the next post will come sooner than I think!

Grace and Peace,

Something to Ponder...

2010-10-08T09:24:00.000-05:00

Below is my pondering article for this weeks bulletin. The senior pastor and I (and sometimes others in the church) take turns writing a weekly reflection for the bulletin. Sometimes they are serious, sometimes a good chuckle, but they are supposed to be an honest reflection from the author. It is a chance to communicate directly to the people who read, and sometimes a conversation begins from it. Well, anyway, here is mine this week.

Something to Ponder…

As of late I’ve found many stories covered by news services to be troubling, but one in particular has caused much thought and concern. The recent reports of suicides by young people have weighed heavy on my heart. In our times, these reports should not happen, and especially for these reasons. Bullying is problem in our society, whether we want to admit it or not. These young people were bullied because of their sexual orientation, but bullying is not only on this issue. I believe that each of us has the duty to make our communities, and society as a whole, a safe place for people to live and be without fear as they go about their days.

The stories of young people dealing with their sexual orientation and feeling so alienated by those around them causes me deep sadness. As I read and watched stories over the last couple weeks, it brought tears to my eyes. I am not using the image of tears as a metaphor or some kind of vivid illustration, but I literary cried tears of pain to see this going on around us. There is no worse feeling than knowing that those who are your peers are ridiculing you, talking behind your back, and going out of their way to cause you discomfort and pain. Even when it is not directly to someone’s face, they are aware of what is being said and done around them. It does not matter what your positions are around LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered) issues, bullying is not something we should tolerate as Christians. As someone who endured times of bullying and being the focus of pranks and jokes at times in my youth, I know the feeling of wondering if not being around tomorrow would be an easier way. However, it is important to know that there are people who are out there that care. The church and its people should be a place where anyone can turn. It should be a sanctuary of love and support for those who seek it. Are we that place?

The question is, what can we do? First and foremost, apathy and complacency are the roots of this problem. If we sit around and notice this going on around and say nothing, we are a part of the problem. We must confront this when we see it, either directly or by reporting it to officials who can deal with it. Secondly, if we feel comfortable, let it be known publicly that we are against these types of actions and are a resource for people in trouble. And finally, let us pray for an end to abusive and violent actions in our society.

If you or someone you know is dealing with these issues, know that I am someone who cares greatly. I don’t want to hear of any more deaths because of bullying. My door is always open, call or e-mail me and I will listen. There is no reason for this to continue.

Grace and Peace,

Here We Go Again...

2010-09-20T23:04:00.004-05:00

Well, this is going to be what seems like my 100th attempt at blogging regularly. I always get going well in the beginning, and then let it slip away. I figured it was time to get going moving on it again. So many things have changed over the last year that I'm not going to even attempt to catch up on everything on this blog. I'll highlight a few things, and set the tone for future blogs.

I am in the third month of my third year as a pastor. I began my third year in the Conestoga Parish on July 1, 2010. It's both exciting and scary knowing that I've been in the same place for that long. Most of my employment up to this point has been seasonal or temporary at best. The other thing about starting my third year is that I know it will be my last with these three churches. Starting July 1, 2011, I will be a full time pastor and will move to a new church, and most likely a new town. I'll share more about that in the future, because I don't know anything about that yet and won't until I get the phone call next spring.

Along with starting my final year at the churches, I begin my final year of seminary. I won't mince words here, I'm extremely excited to be finishing up school. I started school at 5 1/2 years old, and now I'm 25 1/2 years old. That's been a lot of time in school thus far in my life, and I'm ready for a break. People tell me that I'll miss it, but I just want the opportunity to miss it. Right now I miss being home for more than 3 days a week. I miss being able to spend time with my family and friends on a regular basis. Many of my friends are getting married, having kids, and I want to be more free to experience those things with them. I fell rushed all the time, like I can't give my all to any thing, only part of me to a million different things. Anyway, I'm ready for May to come around and to have completed my Master's degree. It's been a long few years here, and I'll be glad to have that degree in my hand.

This last summer I had some exciting times. At Annual Conference (if you don't know what that is, think of it as a large corporate meeting with all of its stockholders) I was commissioned as a Provisional Elder in the Nebraska Conference of the United Methodist Church. Now, what does that mean? Well, in short, I'm a step away from full ordination. The Board of Ordained Ministry felt that I was prepared enough to take on the work of an Elder, with some accountability and supervision, and after a couple years, I will be eligible for ordination. If all goes well, I'm looking at summer of 2013 for ordination. Here's a picture from that event.

Well, I think I've spent enough time tonight tinkering with the design and layout of the blog and writing this post, I better get back to the homework. I've already started the list of things to blog about, so look forward to more posts coming soon. It feels good to be back.

Grace and Peace,

Happy New Year! (A little late.)

2010-02-03T22:54:00.005-06:00

Well, 2010 is in full swing already and I'm not sure where January went. 2009 ended with a hell of a storm that kept me cooped up in Wahoo for 5 days and canceling church twice. It was kind of weird to not have church on Christmas Eve, but I survived the whole ordeal. I rang in the new year at my house with tons of people. Tim and I threw our typical New Year's Eve party, and I think most people were just excited to be out of the house.

My January was supposed to be a great time with a trip to New Mexico to study Native American spirituality and enjoy some time away. However, my body had another idea. The day before I was to leave on the trip, I felt a constant pain in my abdomen. So, since I was leaving I figured it was a good idea to see the doctor. After about 20 minutes of ruling everything else out, it was determined that my appendix needed to come out. I left the doctor's office in Wahoo at noon and was in surgery in Lincoln by 3:30 that afternoon. Long story short, I had to drop the trip and spend two weeks doing pretty much nothing but laying around.

Since the surgery, I've been very busy. The new semester started this week. I'm in semester 6 of 8 this spring. I can see the end of the tunnel, but it's still at a distance. The commuting is taking its toll on me. I don't sleep well when I'm in Kansas City, and when I'm home it's all homework and church activities. I honestly am looking forward to next year with a lighter schedule and hopefully less time in Kansas City.

All in all, things aren't too bad right now. I'm looking at a pretty busy schedule over the next few months, and hopefully when it's over, I'll feel pretty good about everything. Until then, I hope to get back to my former schedule of blogging. Random news for the day, I watched the new Star Trek movie last night, and I liked it. I want to go back and watch all of the old movies now. I think that might be my spring break project, Star Trek marathon. Nerdy, yes... reasonable expectation for fun, definitely.

"I don't believe in no-win scenarios." - James T. Kirk

Peace and Grace,

Happy Thanksgiving!

2009-11-25T18:18:00.004-06:00

It's been months since I last posted anything on this blog. I think I'm ready to take a stab at this again. The semester has just been crazy with changes all around. I have a list of things to blog about, and Christmas break should be full of updates and new perspectives.

Until then...

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Check This Out!

2009-08-01T23:35:00.004-05:00

Throughout the summer, 5 young adults from the different parts of Nebraska came together to look into what doing justice within our church was all about. The interns were part of a program called Micah Corps, and have done amazing work. Many of the things they've done can be seen on their blog by clicking here.

You'll see interviews with different agencies they worked with, as well as some interviews with pastors from the Nebraska Conference. (You may even find me on there! ;) )

Hope that you can venture over to their blog.

Grace & Peace,
Z

My Weekend in Hebron

2009-07-06T11:20:00.008-05:00

Me and Loggy at the rehearsal. I was told to wear my Irish green, so I brought the class to the event!

The whole group in front of the trailer while we were switching from horses to a truck.

Loggy and Mama Susan after the wedding. Notice the mason jar full of my homemade goodness. It was my gift to the wedding party that day. I know the Logsdon family liked it!

On the road to the reception. Surprisingly there was a good breeze that day.

The groomsmen stole the bride for some excitement to the night. I don't think Tami liked that drink.

Summer so far...

2009-06-23T14:59:00.012-05:00

I haven't been able to spend much time updating the blog so far this summer. Things should slow down after July 4th. Here are some pictures of my summer fun so far!

Right before Alison and Brandon's wedding.I was lucky enough to be their "pastor" that day!

First night in Vegas. Starting things off with a yard long drink!

Here we are walking the strip on the second day there. The heat wasn't so bad. I can handle it without the humidity we have in Nebraska.

Loggy, Dmo, and me before Dux's wedding. This was right after I recovered from the night before. We weren't too sure I was going to make it for awhile.

Couldn't resist this picture in the park in Fairbury.

Closing down the party on the dance floor. Woo hoo!

A Community

2009-05-28T09:41:00.005-05:00

For the final presentation in my Christian Education class this last semester, I lead the class in a session that looked at sacrament in our lives. One of the recommendations during the session was to take a look at the liturgy from either baptism or communion within your own tradition and look at what the words mean. I decided that I should probably do that, as I was leading the class. I decided to look at the baptismal covenant services in the Book of Worship. I use the communion liturgy at least on a monthly basis, but rarely have the opportunity to look at the words we speak around baptism. A few responses by the congregation caught my attention, and made me think. In one of the services, the congregation pledges to do the following:

With God's help we will proclaim the good news and live according to the example of Christ. We will surround these persons with a community of love and forgiveness , that they may grow in their service to others. We will pray for them, that they may be true disciples who walk in the way that leads to life.

I wonder how often we sit back and actually reflect on the words we speak during a worship service, better yet on the promises we make. In a lifetime, how many times does one make the promise to "surround these persons with a community of love and forgiveness"? For some, I'm sure the number is staggering. We make this promise to help guide people in Christ's way, but more importantly to be a community that loves and forgives. I know that I have failed many times to be a contributing member of that type of community, and I'm sure many of church members have done the same over time.

If we make this promise early on in a person's faith journey (either as an infant, or when baptized later in life) we are setting the bar very high, but not impossible. I think that the church should focus on love and forgiveness before all of the other things we talk about. If we can be a community that truly loves each and every member of the community, and forgives instead of resents, it truly can be an awesome experience to be a member of a church. Unfortunately it seems that our community is too much about power and prestige, about who deserves better, about personal ambitions, and not about love and forgiveness. Yes, we have to set ourselves aside a lot in order to fulfill this promise, but isn't that what Christ is all about? Aren't we called to set aside self in order to share Christ with the world? It's not an easy task, but love and forgiveness can go a long way.

Next time you are involved in a service of baptism, confirmation, or communion, take a moment to think about the words and see if the community is meeting its promises and guidelines. If we are not, let's work to change that, for the sake of being people who follow Christ fully and live up to what we promise.

Grace and Peace,
Z

Day at the State Legislature

2009-05-22T18:35:00.004-05:00

This last Wednesday I was the Chaplain of the Day at the Nebraska State Legislature. It was a fun opportunity to get to be on the floor of the legislative chamber, and to speak from the podium. Of course, it took some thinking of what to say in the opening prayer with all the guidelines given to maintain appropriateness for an environment like that, especially a day after the senators voted to move forward a bill on implementing lethal injection for the death penalty. As much as I wanted to comment on it, I was a good boy and prayed within the parameters given to me. The prayer is below.

Grace and Peace,
Z

Gracious and loving God, we gather this day thankful to do the work to which we've been called. We pray your blessing upon us here and upon people all over the world. We seek you by different names, but recognize the commonality in our belief in you.

The duty of leading our state has been entrusted to the senators that serve in this Chamber, and we seek your divine guidance as decisions are made today and in the future. The task is great and the rewards are often unseen, but
we recognize the great need present in our society that constantly surrounds us. May each person find strength through serving, and in the journey before them.

We are a society of differences, of great diversity. Almighty Creator, we seek to fulfill your desire to work towards an inclusive society that practices peace and civility and where we help our neighbors as you have led us to do. You truly are the God of our weary years, and the God of our silent years. May your blessings fall upon this place, causing us to recognize the lives affected by the work done here. Humble us in our actions as leaders, community members, and members of the greater humanity.

I pray these things in the name I know best, Jesus Christ. Amen.

My Holy Weekend

2009-04-13T00:39:00.003-05:00

Note: I must warn anyone who is preparing to read this. I will most likely ramble and go on tangents during this blog. These are my raw feelings following a great weekend of worship. I hope you find something of worth in these writings and that your Easter was as equally meaningful.

The churches in which I am honored to be called the Pastor had some amazing worship experiences this weekend. I am moved and humbled by God's spirit that was present during these times of community. It was a great thing, both personally and professionally to be a part of these 4 worship services (Good Friday and 3 Easter).

Good Friday was a tenebrae service where we reflected through readings and song. It was something new for both me and the church to experience. This was also the first holiday season worship that I was given complete control over as a pastor. The former associate had always taken care of Good Friday, so we didn't change that, but I did include the senior pastor in the service this year. As dark and sad as this service can become, it really opened me up spiritually as a person and leader to prepare for the Easter celebration. I was moved by the response of those in worship, as they felt somber following the service. This night reminded of why I responded to my calling, and why I continue with all the stress that is involved at this point.

Easter Sunday was amazing. I must admit, I wasn't too crazy about the 7:00am service, but felt renewed once it was over. The choir (which we only have twice a year) sang wonderfully, with new voices joining them this Easter. A choir can always get you in the Easter spirit. It seemed like everyone who came to worship today was prepared to be joyous, and it helped me lead worship. I lead everything but the children's sermon and the sermon. I was blessed with being able to preside over Holy Communion on this Sunday. I used the liturgy for the most part, but from memory, and gave the story of how that night came to be when Jesus shared with the twelve. I hate to say this, but my best sermon may have not been a sermon at all. I hadn't pre-planned very much of what I was going to say, but truly felt moved this morning to the point where I knew everything would be just fine and people would experience God's grace through the Bread and the Cup. Being able to serve the congregation in this way is one of the most meaninful things that I experience. Using the rememberance of Christ in this way to welcome all to commune together is the theological high that cannot end for me. Easter was real for me this year, very real. I don't know that I've experienced such a thing before, but hope to experience it much more.

Grace and Peace,
Z

Easter Bulletin

2009-04-10T08:30:00.002-05:00

Every week there is an article of sorts on the back of our bulletins. Some weeks it may be from something someone read on the internet, and others something original. For Easter, I was asked to write about my feelings and experience around Easter. Here is what I came up with and will be on the bulletin Sunday.

Grace and Peace,
Z

Christ the Lord is Risen Today!

Happy Easter! Blessings to you on the joyous morning! I hope that Easter finds you in hope and wonderment of the resurrection. This is a day of much anticipation and celebration. We have journeyed together through Lent discussing our relationships with God and with one another. For some, it may have been a time of great struggle and growth. Others may have seen Lent as an affirmation of their faith, and a continuation of their relationships. However Lent was for you, we all come together to hear the news of the empty tomb this day.

As I personally reflected on Lent and now Easter, I began to think, “What does Easter mean to me?” I can’t recall ever spending too much time on this particular question, and didn’t have something right away to write down. Obviously, Easter is all about resurrection and being liberated from our sin, but what is that to me as a person? How do I recognize the empty tomb in my own spiritual journey? My answer seems simple, but so much is packed into it. My response to “What does Easter mean to me?” is love, unconditional love.

We are all grateful for the unconditional love and grace we’ve been given by God, but how often do we have the opportunity to share unconditional love towards another? When have we been able to put aside our feeling of anger, sadness, and maybe disgust to love someone else? To me, this is what Jesus’ death is all about, being able to realize love was given to us, and we in turn can share that love. I recently had the experience of my discouragement, and at times anger, being turned into love and compassion. I have no logical reason to explain it other than God working in me at this moment, but my feelings just changed and I was content to love without condition. This was my Easter experience this year.

It seems so simple, but we aren’t able to act out in this love very often it seems like. I hope that you can find unconditional love from God this Easter, and are willing to love in a similar way. God is with us always, and loves each of us the same. We are here to witness the resurrection, and to be sheltered in the unconditional love of God this day. May Easter bless you, and help you move that joy outward to the world!

Grace and Peace,

Pastor Zach

Morning so far...

2009-04-09T10:37:00.003-05:00

I've not done a whole lot with my day so far, but have had the chance to listen to some music and evaluate the rest of my week. I guess something got done then. I had my iTunes on shuffle, and as always something comes up and catches my attention. Usually this is from an artist or genre I rarely listen to, but still finds its way into my thoughts. Once again, Celia Whitler has got my mind going and has helped my heart a bit. The song is below. I had to type the lyrics myself, so it might be rough, but the message is the same. I hope the people who are close in my life know that these lyrics are true of how I feel towards them.

"When All Else Fails"
By Celia Whitler

I have seen the beauty rising on your life. Coloring you like a morning sun.
And in your eyes I only find the gray and white, and an absence of the brightness that once was. Things that you once counted on, are things you thought were strong.
The very things that now have gone.
As the clouds of silver linings, as the darkness as the dawn.
This too shall pass. So hold on.

When all else fails, I will be here for you.
I will be near to you, and in your darkest days I will be a light.
A voice that will comfort you, a love that will come to you always.
For I am with you, when all else fails.

All of us have moments when our spirits fly.
And other times we feel we’re sinking down.
Deep in our discouragement we wonder why, no solace or contentment can be found.
As we try to stand courageously, try to hide our frailties, we forget to raise our faces to the day.
To see the hope that is surrounding us.
Feel the love that sets us free.
Hear the words, “Be not afraid.”

When all else fails, I will be here for you.
I will be near to you, and in your darkest days I will be a light.
A voice that will comfort you, a love that will come to you always.
For I am with you, when all else fails.

Grace and Peace,
Z

A Prayer For The Day

2009-04-07T21:13:00.002-05:00

Gracious God,
Your unending love shelters us,
guides us,
empowers us,
no matter our place on the journey of life.

You came to be with us and among us,
traveling the roads,
feeling the pain and hardship,
giving freely of yourself.

May we recognize this presence among us,
and act similarly in love towards one another.
Guide us in the ways of peace in our relationships,
our communities,
and our soul.

We know we fall short and often are troubled,
but you are there with us.
Help us to recognize the pain we cause others,
and forgive those who harm us.
This truly is the way that leads to life.

This Holy Week we journey together,
realizing Christ's struggle for us.
As we journey, we experience you in our midst,
and receive tangible gifts of love and compassion amongst the pain.
Through the struggle of life, we see what means the most.
Be with us, comfort us, live among us.

In the name of the Risen Christ,
Amen.

Random Acts of Kindness

2009-03-25T10:08:00.004-05:00

I saw this article in the Lincoln paper last week, and then we discussed it at our weekly Lenten study. It sparked a lot of good discussion about helping others and what we should do as Christians. There were many diverse opinions on whether social justice is merely enabling people to live off of others or if it was needed. It was test of my skills as a pastor and teacher to stay calm with my own opinions and allow the discussion. All in all, it was a really good discussion and I wish more people could have been involved. Check out the article below!

Grace and Peace,
Z

Anonymous Club Donates to Others

By COLLEEN KENNEY / Lincoln Journal Star
Wednesday, Mar 18, 2009 - 12:19:17 am CDT
“I chose the little gal who got raped at the tanning salon.”

A woman with pretty fingernails turns the pages of a scrapbook. She stops on a pink page devoted to the 19-year-old tanning salon clerk.

She read about it in the paper. She doesn’t know the 19-year-old’s name and the young woman won’t know hers. That’s one rule: You stay anonymous.

She glued a copy of her letter into the scrapbook.

Hello,

I belong to a group of anonymous local women called RAK. It stands for Random Acts of Kindness. We meet monthly and put a little money together for people who could use a ray of sunshine sent their way.

She sits with her group at Buzzard Billy’s. They drink margaritas and beer. They play old-school trivia. They laugh and chat.

They quiet down when it’s time for the woman with pretty fingernails to announce this month’s recipient.

She tells them how, the other day, she walked into the tanning place with the letter and the $240.

Whoever hosts the monthly meeting chooses to whom that month’s money goes.

You panic at first, when it’s your month. But something always comes up.

“Unfortunately.”

You read something in the paper, she says, or you hear a friend tell a sad story.

Her fingernails glide across other pages of the scrapbook, stopping on photos of people the group has helped.

There’s a picture of a Lincoln High kid from Sudan. A woman in the group had heard how he worked and cared for his younger siblings and how someone stole his van.

There’s a 2-year-old Minnesota boy killed in a tornado. The photo shows him smiling under the brim of a cowboy hat that’s too big. He holds a toy horse, as if he’s ready to ride.

There’s Dick and Jane Kreifels, who’ve taken in three men with disabilities, Bob, Scott and Mark. Mark’s arm is around Jane’s neck in the photo.

I want you to take this money and do something fun with it.

Some of this group’s women are teachers. One works in real estate. One is a counselor. One does fingernails.

Several pages of the scrapbook are devoted to group fun nights. Like the pajama party at Mahoney State Park. White wine. Smiling women.

That’s another rule: Find fun people for your group.

Fun, responsible people.

Use it to pay a bill you’ve needed to take care of, get a new outfit, go get your hair done. WHATEVER!!

Last April, someone in the group chose a 17-year-old who was riding in a car that crashed into a tree. His page includes a newspaper photo of the crumpled car.

The woman with pretty fingernails started this group after her own teenage daughter got in a wreck, one so bad the driver died. Her daughter spent a long time in the hospital.

One day in those dark months, a woman she knew handed her an envelope. It contained money. And a letter.

“Oh, my God.”

Her eyes fill with tears, remembering the moment.

“I still have her letter. She said just to pay it forward.”

So she started this group.

She took her daughter with her to drop off the money and letter at the tanning salon.

We want you to know how exceptionally sorry we are for your recent troubles, and let you know there are people everywhere thinking and praying for you – some you’ve never met.

Take care and God Bless you!!!

Random Acts of Kindness.

My bad...

2009-03-16T18:45:00.003-05:00

It's been a few days since I last posted. So much for every day during Lent, but things happen and here's where I am. I've been busy and at times not so busy lately, but I'm okay with falling behind on the blog.

As I stepped away from the online part of my life this last weekend, I had a great time. For the first time that I can ever remember I chose to set aside meetings and events I needed to attend to just enjoy myself and do what I wanted. I feel really good about that. I was able to spend time with some people I haven't seen enough of, and was able to meet some new people. Taking time to enjoy life when it seems like it's the hardest to do really does pay off. I'm less stressed about things right now, and just want to enjoy a couple more days and this beautiful weather.

So my challenge to you is to take a moment or two, or if you can a day or two, to just pause and enjoy things you did before. Take the time to rekindle your passions and joys. These are the things you take with you, that remind you of how great things can be. If I can do it, I think anyone can.

Grace and Peace,
Z

God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the Courage to change the things I can,
and the Wisdom to know the difference;

Living one day at a time;
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace;
Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it:
Trusting that you will make all things right
if I surrender to your will;
that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with you forever in the next.

Connection...

2009-03-13T00:44:00.003-05:00

I claim that human mind or human society is not divided into watertight compartments called social, political and religious. All act and react upon one another. - Gandhi

Short and simple post for this day. Everything is connected in our world, we cannot separate things into nice compartments and hope to keep things apart. Religion will influence politics and society, just as each of them will influence religion. Our mission is not an either/or mission. We must integrate these different aspects of life in order to remain relevant to people. These are real situations, and need to be thought about.

What are your issues this day that connect to multiple areas of life? How do you work through them? If you can't work through them, how can the process begin? What do you need?

Grace and Peace,
Z

Our Community...

2009-03-11T13:11:00.004-05:00

After looking at my work load for school next week, I realized that I had less to do than I expected. So I decided to relax and enjoy the day today. I wish the weather was nicer, but being indoors is just fine at this point. I spent the morning watching and listening to old sermons and songs that I have kept for one reason or another. Many are from my experiences at General Conference in 2004 and 2008. I save these things as reminders of why I keep going and why I need to stay where I am to work on things.

There is a huge community to come together in God's name, and it's not easy or pleasant all the time. No matter how things get, we need community. We need each other. As I was watching a sermon for the 2008 conference, I kept watching the worship and a very simple song came up. In its simplicity it overpowered the service and the conference, driving home the message of the day, we all need to work together and be there for each other.

I need you
you need me
we're all apart of God's body
stand with me agree with me
we're all apart of God's body

It is God's will that every need be supplied
You are important to me
I need you to survive

I'll pray for you
You pray for me
I love you
I need you to survive
I won't harm You
With words from my mouth
I love You
I need you to survive

I pray that each of you find that community to feel welcome and loved. Whatever troubles you this day, whatever is heavy on your heart, I hope that you find comfort in the prayers and love of others. I know I am thankful everyday for my community, and pray daily for them. We need each other to survive.

Grace and Peace,
Z

Let's Give It A Try...

2009-03-10T09:36:00.005-05:00

I wasn't sure how I was going to find time to blog today, but thankfully my class this morning is like freshman biology again. We are hearing a presentation on the basics of plants. It wasn't really that exciting the first two times I learned it, and nothing has changed this time.

Recently after a discussion with a friend, I was made aware again of the need to share our goals and dreams with one another. We may find new ways to make them happen with the help of others. We can work together to change a lot of things. Thanks for the reminder, Katie! :)

Today, I want to encourage some interaction and discussion. In my last few blogs I have shared my hopes and dreams for ministry for the church. What are you hopes and dreams for the church? for your ministry? for you life?

Share, discuss, travel the journey together.

Grace and Peace,
Z

Love Will Find A Way...

2009-03-09T10:24:00.002-05:00

This morning I was struggling to get into a reflective mood. I stayed up late doing homework, got up early to do more homework and just wasn't feeling it at all. So, when I feel that way I go straight to the iTunes for some inspiration. Like always, something came up on my shuffle that centered me and calmed me some.

Here are some of the lyrics:

"Love Will Find A Way" by Celia Whitler

Searching, longing for someone to know.
Listening, waiting on your own.
Deep inside you know life is a winding road.
Faith will lead when you're alone.

Love will find you, when you think you've lost your way.
Love will speak to you, when there are no words to say.
Love will reach your heart when you're lost in this world of doubt.
Love will find you somehow.

Looking back it's clear to see the path you've chosen doesn't always lead you to your goal.
Someway, someone will show you love.

I'm still in my dreaming for the church mode, and this spoke to me after reflecting on my pastoral care reading for the week. People are lost, heck, I'm lost most of the time. Faith is the part of us that guides us and brings us somewhere we can be accepted and love. I hope that my ministry can create a place for that to happen. That as people feel lost on the road of life, there is always a welcoming place, free from judgment and ridicule. A place that is comforting and not hurting, that can show people the unending love of God. That's my hope anyway.

Small Things...

2009-03-09T01:09:00.002-05:00

Today, with the time change and the dreary weather, attendance and participation in worship were less than one would like. Even with those factors, there were some great moments had. It may not have been during the actual worship service, but God moments did happen. In between services, I had many heartfelt discussions about the nature of relationships and how society is functioning today.

One conversation was about how we don't have community like there once was in our churches and towns. People don't rely on one another for anything now, and there was a mutual dependence that made everyone stronger. This got me thinking about how we are too often working with the mentality of being completely self-sufficient. This is just not realistic, and maybe the church needs to be the agent that brings strong communities back into our society.

I don't have any specific ways to do this, or really have a plan to find those answers. I'm just thinking that we need to strengthen community, and the church might be the place to start.

Any ideas? Please share!

Grace and Peace,
Z

My Hopes and Dreams...

2009-03-07T11:55:00.003-06:00

Today, as I focused my personal reflection time, I thought about why I've come to where I am and what I can do from here on out. I thought about my hopes and my dreams for myself and the church. Trying to remember those things where I felt most hopeful and connected to God in the church. One of the most recent moments was at General Conference in April/May of 2008. Yes, in the midst of the most political activity known to the United Methodist Church, I found God more clearly than ever. A moment I was a part of during that conference will always stay with me.

During one of the morning worship services, a young adult choir was brought together under the direction of Mark Miller. The song we sang was, "Draw the Circle Wide." It was later in the conference and many of use had grown very weary with the state of the church and whether it would become fully inclusive of all people. Everyone I knew personally in that choir were there to push the church we love to fully embrace each and every person, no matter what! We were told before the performance that since we were part of the conference worship, we would have to remove our rainbow stoles for the morning. At first this troubled me, as it was a sign of our commitment to working for a cause, but after the song was finished I knew that our message was clear without the visual addition.

I felt part of a great witness that day. Calling for each and everyone of us to draw the circle wider and expand the reach of the church in love to ALL. This is more than a mission or idea, but a way of life. This is how we should operate. This is my hope and dream, that one day this will be but a stone on the path to great change. It will take a lot of work, and growth personally, but I am committed to a fully inclusive United Methodist Church and will do all that I can to see that happen.

Below, I have included a recorded performance of the song by a group recently. It is the same version and with the same director. I am working on getting the video from General Conference in a format I can share, but this is just as moving to see. I hope that you can watch and listen and think about how you already "draw the circle wide" and how you can "draw it wider still."

Grace and Peace,
Z

Escalation...

2009-03-07T11:36:00.001-06:00

As I sat in the first session of the parishes Lenten Study, we talked about relationships and how escalation is a part of broken relationships. The idea that we are constantly upping the ante with one another, to be better than someone, or to try and be something new constantly. I thought about how easy it would have been for Jesus to simply put all the people to shame with his gifts in those final days, but he didn't. Jesus let things happen, and lived out his calling.

On a more personal level, I thought about how I never feel good enough for the people around me. I feel a constant need to be fresh and new, and do something exciting to impress people. I can never find contentment in what is happening at that time. I can't believe that I'm accepted just as I am, and don't need to impress or be better than others. I am, who I am. If people are my friends, than I should be okay with who and what I am around them, not worrying about whether I can be something better or different. I need to pause and appreciate what I have and not worry about the need to escalate situations to impress or sustain a relationship.

This song came to mind as I was reflecting on this:

Come and Find the Quiet Center

Come and find the quiet center
In this crowded life we lead,
Find the room for hope to enter,
Find the frame where we are freed.
Clear the chaos and the clutter,
Clear our eyes that we may see,
All the things that really matter,
Be at peace and simply be.

Silence is a friend who claims us,
Cools the heat and slows the pace.
God it is who speaks and names us,
Knows our being, touches base.
Making space within our thinking,
Liftting shades to show the sun,
Raising courage when we're shrinking,
Finding scope for faith begun.

In the spirit let us travel,
Open to each other's pain.
Let our lives and fears unravel,
Celebrate the space we've gained.
There's a time for deepest dreaming,
There's a time for heart to care,
In the Spirit's lively scheming,
There is always room to care.

Come and find the quiet center
In this crowded life we lead,
Find the room for hope to enter,
Find the frame where we are freed.
Clear the chaos and the clutter,
Clear our eyes that we may see,
All the things that really matter
Be at peace and simply be.

This song has always been moving to me, and really forces me to think about my life and where it is leading. I need to take the time and see what is around me and recognize God's presence. May you too find time to pause and find room for God to enter.

Grace and Peace,
Z

You did it to me...

2009-03-05T07:46:00.003-06:00

Matthew 25:31-40

The Judgement of the Nations
31 ‘When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit on the throne of his glory. ³²All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats, ³³and he will put the sheep at his right hand and the goats at the left. ³⁴Then the king will say to those at his right hand, “Come, you that are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; ³⁵for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, ³⁶I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me.” ³⁷Then the righteous will answer him, “Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry and gave you food, or thirsty and gave you something to drink? ³⁸And when was it that we saw you a stranger and welcomed you, or naked and gave you clothing? ³⁹And when was it that we saw you sick or in prison and visited you?” ⁴⁰And the king will answer them, “Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me.”

Something from scripture finally made into my journal/blogging today. This passage was shared on the bishop's daily e-mail devotion. These verses remind me of our interconnectedness as humans. There is a connection through God that each and every person has, whether everyone recognizes it or not. How we act towards one another matters. The way in which we work for justice and mercy, matters. If we even think about the problems in the world, matters. We have not been called to a "wait and see" faith, but a faith of action.

One specific line moved me today: “Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me." This is really making me think about life, calling, and just general treatment of others. God is a part of everything, and the way in which we respond to each other is an embodiment of God's creation, God's love. There aren't exceptions to this, not any "levels" of worthiness. People are sacred in God's sight, and thus should be in our sight as well. That means as a progressive, liberal person I need to recognize the sacredness of people like Rush Limbaugh and James Dobson. Now, I can disagree with them, but how I respond is what matters. How I act and listen is important to the treatment of others.

How are you embodying God's creation in your actions with others? How can you improve on this? Why are you waiting to change the way you see others? What is God calling you to do in this area?

Grace and Peace,

Something to listen to and watch...

2009-03-03T20:48:00.002-06:00

I have continued my Lent discipline by journaling, but I didn't have a great revelation to share to the masses. However, I was reminded of the greatness of this song and how I can find some peace in listening to it. Take the time to pause and listen to this song and reflect, or pick another song and do the same. Enjoy!

Grace and Peace,
Z

The Cold...

2009-03-02T09:45:00.002-06:00

Cold Poem by Mary Oliver

Cold now.
Close to the edge. Almost
unbearable. Clouds
bunch up and boil down
from the north of the white bear.
This tree-splitting morning
I dream of his fat tracks,
the lifesaving suet.

I think of summer with its luminous fruit,
blossoms rounding to berries, leaves,
handfuls of grain.

Maybe what cold is, is the time
we measure the love we have always had, secretly,
for our own bones, the hard knife-edged love
for the warm river of the I, beyond all else; maybe

that is what it means the beauty
of the blue shark cruising toward the tumbling seals.

In the season of snow,
in the immeasurable cold,
we grow cruel but honest; we keep
ourselves alive,
if we can, taking one after another
the necessary bodies of others, the many
crushed red flowers.

I have found myself looking towards poetry and music for inspiration and meditation this Lent. So far Mary Oliver has made two appearances, and will probably make a few more before the season is over. Her writing brings to life the simple things that embody complex emotions and feelings, they bring to life creation and God. Her writing brings to life my imagination and faith like it hasn't been in some time. I hope that you also can experience some of that when you read poetry or listen to music.

A few line in this poem really focused my thoughts today. "Cold now. Close to the edge. Almost unbearable." Almost unbearable is the key. At times, life and its challenges seem so unbearable, almost enough to cause a stop to everything. But we fight, keep ourselves alive, remembering the things that are worth it. Remembering the things that brought us to this point in time. Just like the seasons, sorrow will pass... these moments keep us grounded, recognizing over humanity. The cold of winter reminds us of hte hard times, but a brighter, happier season is only a few months away.

Our faith is kind of like the cold. When we struggle, question, doubt, we think that it may be unbearable. However, we are always reminded of something to get us to the next season. Something or someone comes and guides us to recognition that God was present all along. "Cold is the time we measure the love we always had."

Grace and Peace,
Z

Validation

2009-03-01T22:54:00.002-06:00

This Lent, my churches are studying together, through our sermon series and weekly group study, the complexity of relationships. Specifically, how to prevent their demise and heal those that are wounded. The first Sunday's sermon topic was on "Invalidation." It focused on the invalidation of Jesus through the treatment he received from the Roman soldiers. They mocked him and beat him because of who he was and what he stood for.

From there, we talked about how we treat others and recognize their feelings and beliefs. Each person holds these beliefs and experiences close to them, and how we react to their sharing can really change how the person feels now and in the future. If someone tells you about a problem and you brush that off or don't really listen, you've invalidated their feelings. It's important to think about how we react towards others in this way.

Also, I thought about how we respond in disagreement. There will always be things that people can't agree on, and those things usually revolve around politics and theology. How do you react to others when in disagreement? Do you simply blow them off as uneducated or not compassionate? Is your reaction in disagreement one that would invalidate someone's feelings?

I have thought long and hard about how I invalidate people, and about times I may not have even realized I was doing it. Those are the times I feel horrible about. The times when I thought I was listening and caring, but probably wasn't enough and gave off a message that I did not value the other person. I pray that I can receive forgiveness for the times I invalidated people and their beliefs or feelings.

One moment of validation I felt just today was when a church member asked for a copy or notes of my sermon from last week on the Transfiguration. I was very worried about that sermon and took a lot of time to get it done, and to find out that this person wanted a copy to put with other sermons he enjoyed, really validated my work and my presence in that community. Too often, I think, leaders feel they are not validated and then do not return validation to others.

I pray that each of you realize you are validated by God, through Jesus, and can find peace and happiness this season.

Grace and Peace,
Z

Now's the Time...

2009-02-28T12:45:00.004-06:00

My reflective reading today came from a book called, "Something About the Blues: an unlikely collection of poetry" by Al Young. I just started skimming until something caught my eye. This poem caught my attention today, and wanted to share it. After I read it a few times, I spent my daily reflection time with my journal and focused on this poem. Under the poem you will find some of my reflection and questions for today.

Now's the Time
By Al Young

7:47 a.m
Charles Parker's message from 1946
or whenever it was teaches us

that beautiful eternities dwell inside moments
& reverberating forever
charge us with godliness of creation,
creating by the moment,
ignorance of which
brings us to dead end
upon dead end. I am not anything less
than soul shedding layer after layer
of no-soul that soul may reveal itself
to itself so to speak,
an unvicious actually joyous
circle of commitment & revelation ensues

but you got to get in that groove,
you got to take chances &
avoid romances of daydream
which is no-dream really
but imprisonment,
the door closing,
tears crop up
in automatic
misery
vs.
freedom,

atoms become atoms
the earth is built to crumble away
as God smiles
crumbling begins, ends,
the smiling goes on,
you happen,
keep happening.

Place: everywhere
Time: Now -

7:54 a.m.

More often than I should, I wait to follow, to be safe, and hopefully be accepted by others. I don't want to jump out and risk being without company. There are things I care about, things I want to see done, that may not be happening because I'm waiting. Maybe, just maybe, I am the one who needs to "create" the circumstances for movement or action. While I'm waiting for others, they might just be waiting for someone as well. I need to take some chances. Chances create opportunity, and opportunity creates experiences, and through experience is how God is revealed to me.

Life is not a "wait and see" activity. I have never been a believer in predestination, but I seem to live my life in a "wait for it to happen" mentality. I wait for it to be completely planned and safe befor I act. I'm waiting for God to somehow do it all and make it easy for me. I operate with in this thought process, even thoug I have never felt I believed God acted this way. I don't believe that God exerts Godself into our situations and controls everything. I believe we are given guidance, resources, and support and then need to act accordintly-- not wait to hope it happens for us.

Questions: Will I see meaningful change in society and the church in my lifetime? How do we recognize the moments when it's time to jump out and act on our own? When should we wait for others to help us? When is it just our human ambition pushing us to act, and when is it God's calling?

I pray each of you find your way to recognize what God is calling for you to do today and in the future. It's not an easy task, and know that we all are walking with you in the journey.

Grace and Peace,
Z

Wanting to see the sun...

2009-02-27T10:11:00.005-06:00

Yesterday as I sat in a coffee shop enjoying a latte, my fixed iPod, and some journaling/doodling, I came across a song that spoke some lyrics that opened my eyes a bit. The entire song doesn't fit into what I heard, but a few lines started the process of thinking. This is exactly what I am hoping to do more of during Lent. I want the seemingly simple things around me to remind of God and my life, and start me seeking for more.

I was listening to the song "The Sun Never Shines (On Closed Doors)" by Flogging Molly. I've always enjoyed the music of Flogging Molly and thought nothing of the song being on my iPod until I heard some of the lyrics. A few of the lines are "The sun never shines on closed doors," and at the end, "we all go the same way home..." For whatever reason my mind started to wander a bit hearing these.

As I reflected on the idea of the sun never shining on closed doors, I journaled the following (edited and expanded from original):

The possibilities are endless, unimaginable in so many ways. Faith is what gives the chance for us to be open to the change of God in our life. Lent is a time to recognize this. Lent is in a lot of ways a dark time before a bright sunshine. The sun will rise, and hopefully the door is still open to let it in. Lent prepares us to feel the presence of Easter. At Easter, we recognize that Jesus rises to overcome ALL barriers that separate us. Don't close the door yet! Don't close the door ever! There is a new day coming, and another chance at barriers being broken and love being shared. Don't' close the door, because the sun won't be seen!

My goal for personal growth this day:

Don't close the door in life. Let the sun have a chance to shine through the open, or at least cracked door. Leave the possibility for change everyday!

What are the "closed doors" in your life? What is keeping you from being fully happy, and seeing the sunshine? Can you open the door just a little? It may not just be about your relationship with God, what is keeping you from seeing the sun in all things (work, relationships, hobbies, etc.)?

Grace and Peace,
Z

Here we go...

2009-02-26T11:06:00.003-06:00

It's official, the Season of Lent is upon us. Professionally it means many hours of work and preparation, extra time with the church community, and some nights of restless sleep. However, I am in more anticipation of this time of reflection this year than ever before. Ash Wednesday started things on the correct path, and I hope to continue with it.

My goal this year is to blog everyday with some sort of reflection, either about my personal journey or that of the church... but it will always be about God's presence. This is part of my time of transfiguration and searching. I am working on substantial change to my innermost self as well as the way I look at the world.

I invite you to follow with me in this journey, and share something from your thoughts as well. I am hoping that this process will allow for conversation between people. I do not want us to debate for the sake of answers, but for the sake of conversation. Let us revel in the ambiguity of life, and realize we don't have the exact answers all the time. It's a journey that includes searching and having faith.

This first blog is an introductory post. I will be more reflective and pose questions in subsequent days. I want to leave you with this poem for today:

Little Summer Poem Touching The Subject Of Faith by Mary Oliver

Every summer
I listen and look
under the sun's brass and even
into the moonlight, but I can't hear

anything, I can't see anything --
not the pale roots digging down, nor the green
stalks muscling up,
nor the leaves
deepening their damp pleats,

nor the tassels making,
nor the shucks, nor the cobs.
And still,
every day,

the leafy fields
grow taller and thicker --
green gowns lofting up in the night,
showered with silk.

And so, every summer,
I fail as a witness, seeing nothing --
I am deaf too
to the tick of the leaves,

the tapping of downwardness from the banyan feet --
all of it
happening
beyond any seeable proof, or hearable hum.

And, therefore, let the immeasurable come.
Let the unknowable touch the buckle of my spine.
Let the wind turn in the trees,
and the mystery hidden in the dirt

swing through the air.
How could I look at anything in this world
and tremble, and grip my hands over my heart?
What should I fear?

One morning
in the leafy green ocean
the honeycomb of the corn's beautiful body
is sure to be there.

Blessings on your journey this season!
Z

Transfiguration and Ash Wednesday

2009-02-25T08:26:00.005-06:00

Mark 9:2-9 (The Message)

^2-4Six days later, three of them did see it. Jesus took Peter, James, and John and led them up a high mountain. His appearance changed from the inside out, right before their eyes. His clothes shimmered, glistening white, whiter than any bleach could make them. Elijah, along with Moses, came into view, in deep conversation with Jesus.
^5-6Peter interrupted, "Rabbi, this is a great moment! Let's build three memorials— one for you, one for Moses, one for Elijah." He blurted this out without thinking, stunned as they all were by what they were seeing.
⁷Just then a light-radiant cloud enveloped them, and from deep in the cloud, a voice: "This is my Son, marked by my love. Listen to him."
⁸The next minute the disciples were looking around, rubbing their eyes, seeing nothing but Jesus, only Jesus.
^9-10Coming down the mountain, Jesus swore them to secrecy. "Don't tell a soul what you saw. After the Son of Man rises from the dead, you're free to talk." They puzzled over that, wondering what on earth "rising from the dead" meant.

After last Sunday's worship services that I preached at, and then chapel at Saint Paul in Kansas City this week, I've been thinking about transfiguration in both the scripture and how it appears to us today. I've been thinking about changes in my life and ministry, and how I can look for my "mountain top experience" that will give me some guidance. I'm working to understand how to recognize transfiguration around me.

I'm not entirely sure why, but the sermon in chapel by Dr. Susan Smith this week really brought to the forefront of my thoughts many ideas and questions. I realized the importance of this moment in scripture in relation to the greater narrative of Jesus. I recognized the importance of the guidance and words of those who came before us, and how faith can help wrestle through so many ambiguous situations.

When talking about the ministry of Jesus to this point, Dr. Smith pointed out the human nature of Jesus that we can all easily relate with. I am paraphrasing since I was trying to take notes and listen, but the main point will be the same. She said, "He was familiar with his surroundings. He thought that this ministry would be how it was going to be, but the nudge came along and forced him to look the other way." I am perplexed by this idea of Jesus being content where he was, and feeling like this was okay to stay put. However, he knew what was right when he was called and continued on to his eventual death and resurrection. As I've blogged about recently, I'm struggling with defining and seeking out my ministry calling. This idea that when the nudge forces you to look another direction, you should recognize where it's leading you and go both excites and frightens me. The thought of sacrificing everything because you were guided to it, is an awe inspiring thought. Jesus did this, and forever changed humanity.

I'm sure the human side of Jesus had his doubts. In fact, that was the point in the sermon that made it very real. The appearance of Moses and Elijah with Jesus on the mountain top shows this guidance for Jesus. They were guiding Jesus to Jerusalem and his death. Dr. Smith related it to them saying, "It will be okay, Jesus. Go to Jerusalem." I guess I'm looking for my Moses and Elijah right now. I'm searching for those people in my life whose opinions I value the most, to just tell me that "It will be okay, maybe not easy, but okay. God is calling you in this direction." There is so much uncertainty in ministry, especially when you feel called to areas that are less than traditional settings. I am starting to feel like I might have found a good direction, but just don't know what it's like to "know."

I know I'm called to be a pastor in some form. I want the church to reach out to people, make them feel loved and accepted, and be intentional in working to limit the hurt the church does in society. I want there to be a day where more people are comfortable around a pastor and church than there are people who are uncomfortable. I want to meet people were they are, because that is were God already is. I don't believe in a philosophical God who looks over us, I believe in an active, working God amongst the people. God will always be shown to us no matter how uncomfortable we may be with the situation or people, God is Love and Love is for ALL!

I hope and pray for each of you to find your mountain top experience. As we begin this time of Lent, we remember Jesus' journey, ministry, and faith. In Dr. Smith's words, "God's intention for us is beyond mortality." We are love, called, and guided into action by God. This work goes well past our physical lives, but it needs to be done for those who follow. Maybe one day one of us will the Moses or Elijah to someone.

Keep searching for the mountain top experience, because that will enable you to go back in the valley and serve!

Grace and Peace,
Z

What will it be? Where will it be? My purpose in life is a mystery.

2009-02-18T09:31:00.003-06:00

Yesterday at chapel I had the distinct pleasure to her the Rev. Dr. Joseph Lowery preach. Some would say it was a lecture, but there was no doubt in my mind that worship and a sermon took place during that time together. I cannot fully give justice to the event in my words, but I do know that I was greatly changed by being able to experience it. Very few people know this, but since I was in elementary school I have extensively read and studied the Civil Rights Movement in the United States. So, to be able to see, listen to, and shake hands with a giant of the movement was extremely meaningful to me.

There were many quotable moments throughout the morning, many of which I am unable to recall completely, but I do remember this one being especially moving.

Integration is not the movement of all things black to all things white; it is the movement of all things wrong to all things right.

As I heard Rev. Lowery speak, I was constantly moved, many times to tears, about all that he and others had done to bring about change to our country and how they have never stopped working for the greater good. He has been committed to his convictions for his entire life, which has spanned an amazing 87 years so far. His stories always had a point whether they seemed to at first or not, and hit home something powerful about humanity and its need to love one another. After the time in chapel I was both comforted and extremely uncomfortable. My discomfort is grounded in the struggle of my purpose and calling in life. Hearing the call for each of us to be "chaplains of the common good" really struck home with me. Rev. Lowery spoke of his recent work in uniting advocacy groups, and how he felt there were some things above the hierarchy of the church. His use of humor in that situation did not stop me from thinking that our institution gets in the way of ministry many times.

I struggle with my own calling each and everyday. I question whether I am called to the direction I'm headed, or to something different. I wonder if I am compromising my calling for the sure deal of itinerant preaching and guaranteed appointments. Am I called to this? Each day I think I may be less and less. First and foremost I want to be a servant leader. Yes, those two terms can go together whether my recent pastoral care book would agree or not. Leading by example, and less by meetings and visioning plans is where I want to be. I want to serve the needs of people and spend less time maintaining and protecting an institution. There is so much need for work in social justice and mercy ministries, that I would hope the church would be open to a calling based entirely on those factors.

Here's the catch, how do I go about this? How do I determine if this is possible? How do I make sure that I am able to serve in a way that is authentic to my calling, and still be able to make a living to survive? These are all things on my mind right now. I never imagined being almost half done with my MDiv and be thinking that maybe there's a different path for me when it's all done. It scares me, causes me discomfort, but also gives me some peace that I know God is still calling me through the doubt and confusion. God's calling is bigger than a process and bigger than me. Hopefully some answers will come my way soon, and Rev. Lowery was probably a messenger on the path to figuring it all out.

Grace and Peace,
Z

Educate and inform the whole mass of the people...

2009-02-12T15:16:00.006-06:00

The title of this post comes from a Thomas Jefferson quote. Jefferson's full quote is,

"Educate and inform the whole mass of the people... They are the only sure reliance for the preservation of our liberty."

I've been thinking a lot about social justice and the treatment of the minority in our society. This has long been a focus of my life, but recently I made the plunge and became a "card carrying member" of the ACLU (American Civil Liberties Union). I was encouraged to this idea in October. I was asked to attend a political dinner to offer the invocation, being a clergy person in the area and a known member of that party, I said yes. At this event was a retired Presbyterian pastor from my hometown, whose wife was my kindergarten teacher. Before the event started, he took me aside to tell me something. At first I was concerned it would be some warning about being a pastor and too politically involved, but what he said was really encouraging. He said, "Glad to see you here, and wanted to tell you that I've been a member of the ACLU for longer than you've been alive. There are some of us (liberals) around here as pastors."

Now this post won't be entirely about the ACLU, but merely and illustration of my point. On their website, they describe their work as:

"The American Civil Liberties Union was founded in 1920 and is our nation's guardian of liberty. The ACLU works in the courts, legislatures and communities to defend and preserve the individual rights and liberties guaranteed to all people in this country by the Constitution and laws of the United States."

This, to me, is very important. ALL people need have the same rights and chances as another. This is especially important to watch within a system that could oppress and limit people with laws everyday.

As my ACLU membership card came in the mail a couple days ago, I began to think about how this relates to my understanding of God and ministry. I find the two very equally connected, the political protection of rights and the openness of the church to ALL people. How do we make a welcoming, hopeful place in our world? I, more than ever, really relate to John Wesley's idea of the "world is my parish." I am slowly realizing that so much of what is done in our local contexts is maintaining the institution and its tradition. I think I always knew this to an extent, but it seems like a cycle that doesn't stop. My heart always lead me to believe that changing one person can start some sort of reaction that would fundamentally alter the way we do things. Unfortunately, my involvement thus far in the church process has made me realize the need for change is on a much larger scale than a few "traditional churches." Now, I realize that some of this is cynicism, but there is always a bit of reality in cynicism.

I'm in my 'big picture' phase right now, but how do we make the world happier for people? How can the church work to ensure that people aren't left feeling alone and abandoned in life? What ministries can we use to help with this, and what types of new ministries do we need to create?

Personally, these thoughts have made me reflect on my call. I know ministry and being a pastor is the right thing for me, but in what ways? For too long in my life have I accepted the way things are, and decided that I can live in the system and wait for something to be better. What if that catalyst for the change was suppose to be me and I wait for someone else? I'm also concerned that maintaining the institutional side of things takes up too much of our lives as clergy. If we have to spend so much time in administration of system that isn't working, how do we have time to think and plan the future?

I dream of a church where people never feel left out, are embraced by the people there, and come away with the feeling of being loved unconditionally. This shouldn't be as hard of a goal to accomplish as it is, but it seems to be the most difficult task any church leader can think about. There are enough things in our society that separate people and make them feel isolated, the church needs to not be another. The feeling of being left out and unwelcome can cause much damage to a person physically, emotionally, and spiritually. We need to always consider how the church's actions can negatively effect even one person when we make a decision or institute a practice. We can't prevent every instance of people getting hurt by the church, but if we show our intention to prevent it, that will go a long way.

Let's hope and pray for a church that focuses on our call to love, and less about the preservation of ourselves.

Grace and Peace,
Z

What's Love Got To Do With It?

2009-02-03T01:59:00.000-06:00

Over the last two weeks I have had more than adequate time to think about life, ministry, and the world. I also had the opportunity to worship as a member of a congregation for the last two Sundays. This was probably the good thing that came out of my recent health problems (which are still ongoing at this point), as I was able to sit and just relax to experience worship. This last semester was one of great challenge and reflection, and is still continuing at this point. I’ve been evaluating my place in the church, my role as a pastor, and how I can use my gifts to improve the people and churches I work with. This has been a process that has left me tired and weary on many days.

This last Sunday I heard a very thought provoking sermon, well at least for me, on Love. I always enjoy David’s sermons, but this one really spoke to me at this point in time. His title was “Love Builds Up.” Immediately I began to think about my life and how I operate, but I also thought about ministry and my direction in it. Love is so much a part of my personal theology, in fact, in may THE essential part of it. I believe in love, and hope for love, and want to spread love to others. While I believe all this, I often wonder how I do this or if I really do?

Love guides me to social justice, to being inclusive, and to being in ministry. Hope for each and every person feeling loved is what drives me to continue on in my career path. The most powerful part of the sermon that caught me was the thought that Love crosses boundaries. The Love of God, as experienced through Jesus, crosses the boundaries we put up as humans. Love should always be our focus, our goal, and our guiding principle. Likewise, Love needs to be MY focus, MY goal, and My guiding principle. I think that it may not be the case most of the time. I regret that I too often just function and maintain the status quo, and that I don’t push the idea of opening ourselves up to Love each and every person we interact with.

I did not realize the power of Love until much later in my life. In fact, probably did not totally until very recently. Unconditional Love is a concept that is difficult to comprehend and accept. Thankfully I have people in my life to remind me of this fact, and love me unconditionally. I owe these people more for my recent development and growth than I can ever truly convey. The feeling of someone loving you should be the way we feel about God, church, and the people at church. This needs to be my focus and the model I give to my ministry. I’m still struggling with how I can do this in the most effective way, and in what form of ministry I can do this the best. This is something I will be contemplating and working on here in the near future.

I hope that each and every person in the world can feel loved at some point in her or his life. Feeling alone and without Love is a horrible thing, and the church should do more to show people compassion and comfort. This is my hope and dream for the church, and my goal to work on!

Grace, Peace, and Love,
Z

This day...

2009-01-20T11:44:00.004-06:00

I just finished watching the inauguration of the 44th President of the United States. Barrack Hussein Obama is now the President. This really is and historic and moving day, regardless of your political views. I was moved numerous times through the morning, and sometimes at things I normally wouldn't.

Normally I am not into patriotic songs, but Aretha Franklin's singing was amazing this morning. The classical "jam" session that took place before the oath was done was equally as impressive. Then the poem after the speech really brought together the feeling of this election and this day. It was a great day for the arts to be portrayed on a world stage.

There was so much in the speech that was amazing, but the one line that sticks out to me right now is, "for the world has changed and we must change with it." This is my personal view as well. We must find a way for the world community to live together and operate without war, hate, poverty, and suffering.

As I watched this morning and thought about these events and the hundreds of years before this, I remember my feelings about race relations as a child. Growing up I read a lot of historical books and biographies. I also watched many specials on PBS and other educational channels. I can remember stories about the Civil Rights Movement bringing me to tears as a young child, not understanding how these events could really happen. I long wondered why someone, like Martin Luther King, Jr., was not our president because they were such great leaders. I often wondered what it would be like if Dr. King of Bobby Kennedy had not been killed. These were my thoughts as a young child, upper elementary school, and stayed with me for my life.

I rejoice this day that not only a progressive president has been elected, but a president who comes to us striving for a post-racial world. Obama not only recognizes his role as the first African-American President, but as the leader of a movement forward in history. This day is just a small step forward, there is much to do in the days to come, but it feels good to just be proud and hopeful for a little while.

Refelctions

2009-01-01T16:13:00.004-06:00

I've never been one to set resolutions as a new year begins, but I do think it's important to reflect on events and happenings in my life and see what I can learn. 2008 was a year of much diversity in my experiences. There's been highs and lows, and everything in between.

2008 started and ended in the exact same place and with some of the same people. I found myself in cold machine shed in rural Nebraska with friends from college. That might have been the same, but everything in between was anything but familiar.

I spent the first 5 months of 2008 living in Kansas City and working at Baker University in Kansas. I enjoyed the time very much, and often miss living in a city with so much to do. That semester is also when I experienced a class that forced me to think in different ways about theology. I was introduced to Process Theology, and think that this will be an area I will spend more time in, either in a class or on my own. I discovered an understanding of God that made sense to me and lined up with my experiences. This was a big moment for me to have discovered something in seminary that got me excited about what I was doing.

The spring of 2008 also brought about the quadrennial gathering of United Methodists known as General Conference. This was my second time attending, but my first as a primary delegate. This was a time of deep struggling for me personally and spiritually. There were many glimmers of hope that I saw and experienced during the conference, but there were also some down times. It won't be a surprise to anyone who knows me, but there was much disappointment in the church's continued decision to ban the ordination of homosexuals. Also, the continued policies that make the church less accessible to the LGBT community troubled me at the time, and still does. However, I experienced a progressive community that I had not previously within the denomination. These were people I shared views and passions with, and gave me some comfort during that time.

Following General Conference, the school year ended and I received my first appointment as a pastor in the United Methodist Church. This resulted in a move back to Nebraska and a few life style changes. I also spent July in Dallas at the South Central Jurisdictional Conference to elect bishops for the church. This was my last act as a lay person in the United Methodist Church, and was a reaffirmation of why I am moving towards ordination and greater leadership in the church. The politics and clear prejudices present at this event showed me the need for great change in the church.

As August and September came around, I became very excited to start school again. I was ready to start learning and to see my friends again. However, I never thought that this fall would be such a challenging time in so many ways. These last 4-5 months have been the most difficult that I've experienced in my life, and there are so many different elements that have contributed to it. I've learned so much about who I am in comparison to who I thought I should be, and learned a lot about trust. I've gained some amazing people in my life through these experiences, and wouldn't want to have had any other people in my life during this time.

One shining highlight of the year was the election of Barack Obama as President of the United States. I spent much of the year hoping for that night when the election happened. I had the opportunity to see Michelle Obama and Hillary Clinton in person, as well as take part in a few political rallies. It was exciting to be a part of something so historic. Election night was also a lot of fun in KC. I got to see the results with my closest friends and had a blast.

I know there will be challenges and difficulties in the future, but at this point I'm hoping for all the best in 2009. I have a lot of questions about my calling and my future ministry, but am going to take it as it comes and discover where I'm suppose to be in life. It may even end up being something I never imagined.

I've gained so much from my close circle of friends in the last part of 2008, and feel a lot better than I would if I didn't have them. In some of my most difficult times, I gained people that are family to me. I can never thank you all enough, and look forward to the times we will have together in the future.

I pray that everyone will receive love and happiness this coming year, and all the years ahead. Take time to evaluate life, and be willing to try something new!

Grace and Peace,
Z

Time to start again...

2008-12-26T17:00:00.003-06:00

So I was cleaning my apartment today and found my old backpack and it had stuff still in it. One of those things was my journal. I picked up the leather bound notebook that I purchased almost a year and a half ago, and obviously haven't used in quite some time. Actually, while looking at it I noticed my last entry was January 18, 2008. Almost an entire year ago. However, the entry I read was interesting to me. It was a theological life statement that I had wrote for Polity class last January. It reminded me of what I feel and hope for the local church. Here is the entry:

I want the local church to realize its potential in changing lives. Through my personal actions and interactions with others, I want laity and clergy I come in contact with to grow in their faith. The realization that one single person or community can make a huge difference, is to realize God's amazing Love for each individual. We must always be messengers of Grace, for what greater gift can we receive from God? As we connect with each other in the places we live and play, God is realized in the faces of others.

Part of my new start this January will be to journal more regularly... or I guess at all :)... as well as to blog about my thoughts and ideas about the present and the future. I hope that once in awhile something profound comes forth and can also help others think about life. If it doesn't, at least I've started to bring things out of my head and into the open.

Grace and Peace,
Z

It's Almost Here...

2008-12-23T13:21:00.002-06:00

Was looking at different resources and writings about Christmas and came across this one. Thought I would pass this along.

Grace & Peace,
Z

Messiah's Grand Entry

by the Rev. Roger Scott

Hear me, my friends and relatives,
Hear me, all you people.

An honor is bestowed upon me to be the Master of Ceremony
to the greatest grand entry of all time.
You who walk in darkness, come to the arena where there
is great light.

The Messiah is making His way to the arena,
And His give-away to all is the good news
that will bring you much joy.

He is coming in from the east, wrapped in a star quilt
and cradled in His mother's arms.

Rise to your feet, all you people, in honor of the "Great One",
as the father and mother step to the beat of the drum.
The song that is rendered has been composed
by heavenly hands.

Coming into the arena behind the child are a host
of heavenly angels, adorned in their ceremonial garments;
behind them are the family lineage of the child, followed by
our own ancestors, dressed in their finest regalia,
dancing proudly.

Come, all you people, let us enter the arena,
dance to the beat of His song;
our time has come to celebrate,
to greet the future with traditional dignity.

This sacred circle will make us one,
for unto us a Savior is born. (Luke 2:8-11)

The Rev. Roger Scott is a member of the Choctaw Nation of Oklahoma. His poetic interpretation of Luke 2:8-11 draws upon his experiences from the pow wow culture within Native America.

Copyright © 2007 Roger Scott. Used by Permission. Reproduction granted for use in church worship services. See column on right for information about obtaining reproduction permission

I'm reminded...

2008-12-17T19:30:00.002-06:00

Every once in awhile, I get a reminder of why I believe the things I do. I am not a "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" kind of person when it comes to being in trouble. I have always believed that we need to help each other when times get tough, and that it's not an individuals fault in sustained hardship. I mean, really, why would people choose to suffer if they can prevent it?

Recently, many events have caused me hardships and distress. I don't want things to go this way, and I really don't want to feel the way I do. It took time, but I am reaching out for help and at times things still go poorly. If I am to have any hope, "saving yourself" cannot be the reason alone. Sure, there are things I can work on and I am working on those...but it is not always enough.

Hopefully this all will pass, and I can get back to working on those things I was doing a few months ago before things started going downhill. I hope and pray that they do, and I guess that's all I can wish for at this point.

Peace,
Z

Let There Be Peace

2008-12-04T15:12:00.002-06:00

As it is the Christmas Season, there is a lot of Christmas music being played right now. As I listen to the lyrics, sometimes I wonder why songs have become exclusively labeled as a Christmas song. One of those songs is "Let There Be Peace on Earth." I have heard it used in Worship a couple times in my life outside of Christmas, but not very often. I think the simplicity of the song could be made to good use throughout the year.

Let There Be Peace on Earth and let it begin with me.
Let There Be Peace on Earth, the peace that was meant to be!
With God our creator, children all are we.
Let us walk with each other in perfect harmony.

Let peace begin with me. Let this be the moment now.
With ev'ry breath I take, let this be my solemn vow;
To take each moment and live each moment in peace eternally!
Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me!

So here's my challenge: find ways to use this message and song throughout the year! Share how each of us can play a role in making peace. Peace isn't only an Advent activity...it's a lifestyle!

Shalom!
z

Hope

2008-12-03T16:31:00.002-06:00

Hope is such a strange thing. Normally, you don't recognize that you have it in your life. When things are going well, when you aren't worrying about tomorrow, hope seems to be a constant, yet silent, part of your life. It's easy to be full of hope when you are riding the tide of joy and happiness.

Hope is about expectations and waiting. It's about being patient at times. Lately, hope has been a difficult thing for me to grasp. Now, I know that I can be a pessimist many times, but I honestly have always held hope in my heart to get through the day. It has become increasingly more difficult to hold hope that closely. I don't like this fact, and it troubles me quite a bit. Things around me continually get me down, some for good reason, some not. Optimism is a struggle, but I want to have hope. I came across this quote today from William Sloane Coffin. He has increasingly become one of my favorite preachers/leaders/writers.

"Hope is a state of mind independent of the state of the world. If your heart's full of hope, you can be persistent when you can't be optimistic. You can keep the faith despite the evidence, knowing that only in so doing has the evidence any chance of changing. So while I'm not optimistic, I'm always very hopeful."

This is my goal. To maintain a state of hope independent from what may be going on around me. It may not always be easy, and I may not always be successful, but hope is the only option. I wish everyone hope as the go through each and every day.

Grace & Peace,
z

Reflections on Chapel Today

2008-11-12T22:43:00.004-06:00

For the first time in quite awhile I was really moved by the chapel service at school. The sermon was excellent, communion was done in a way that embraced completely the theology of those serving the elements, even the prayers were deligently decided upon for their value. The overarching theme was to not give into fear, even when the cloud of fear is completely surrounding us.

The message was on Matthew 25:14-30. Here is a small excerpt of that passage:

Then the one who had received the one talent also came forward, saying, “Master, I knew that you were a harsh man, reaping where you did not sow, and gathering where you did not scatter seed; 25so I was afraid, and I went and hid your talent in the ground. Here you have what is yours.” 26But his master replied, “You wicked and lazy slave! You knew, did you, that I reap where I did not sow, and gather where I did not scatter? 27Then you ought to have invested my money with the bankers, and on my return I would have received what was my own with interest. 28So take the talent from him, and give it to the one with the ten talents. 29For to all those who have, more will be given, and they will have an abundance; but from those who have nothing, even what they have will be taken away. 30As for this worthless slave, throw him into the outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”

This slave lived in so much fear that he was not willing to even attempt to invest or expand on what he is given. This fear is so much that it actually pushes him to not act at all. How often is that the case in our lives? I know the fear of the results push me to not act many times. The fear of the unknown can debilitate us in so many ways. This message of overcoming fear continued at the Communion Table. We were called to come and partake in the meal, as Jesus and the Disciples did, without fear of there not being enough. Jesus allows there to be enough of him to go around all the time. During communion, the pianist began playing the song, "Give Thanks." There was no intention for the congregation to sing along at this point, but slowly we all began singing with the music. As I was walking up to receive Communion, the lyrics really started to speak to me.

AND NOW LET THE WEAK SAY
I AM STRONG
LET THE POOR SAY
I AM RICH
BECAUSE OF WHAT
THE LORD HAS DONE
FOR US

I began to choke up for no apparent reason at that point and really felt vulnerable as I came to the front of the line to receive the elements. It was extremely powerful moment in a time where I needed to know about the hope and love that is still present in the church. I also want to share the prayers from the service today.

For all that we have been given, for the many gifts with we have been entrusted, O God of Abundant Life, We give thanks. For the many times we have failed to respond according to our ability, for the many times we have been paralyzed by fear and insecurity, for our complicity in the unjust distribution of weatlh, O God of Mercy, we repent. For the many who live without, for the many who live with too much, O God of Compassion, we pray. For wisdom and courage, O God of Sustenance and Grace, we hope and trust in you. In the name of Christ, Amen.

May many blessings be upon you in your life!

-z

Prop 8 in California

2008-11-11T19:34:00.002-06:00

I haven't updated this in awhile, but finally something has come through that has forced me to post. In California, voters voted to define marriage between only a man and a woman. In a monumental election where Barack Obama is elected president, Californians voted to take away civil rights to a group of people. Usually I would have a long, emotional response to this action, but Keith Olbermann really got it right with this one. I don't always agree with Olbermann's thoughts or emotional responses to everything, but this is one time I couldn't agree more. The YouTube video is below of his monologue on Monday night.

Election Excitment!

2008-10-30T12:59:00.003-05:00

Really? Comments That Make You Think

2008-10-08T10:37:00.000-05:00

The below article is one that I saw while surfing news sites. The article does not bother me, but a comment posted below it did. The comment was:

"It seems that Obama is letting people who lost their right to vote, a chance to vote without giving Republicans the chance to challenge the voter?"

Now, I do not know the election laws of each individual state, but this angers me to no end. Just because a person does not own a piece of property, or does not rent a place, this means they have no right to vote? If any group of people in this country is affected by this election, it is people who are homeless. I don't think that just because they may not be voting your way means that they have lost the right to vote. Also, does the Republican Party really embrace the needs of the homeless community? I really have nothing insightful to say about this right now, just wanted to pass the article along, but more importantly the comment.

-z

From New York Post:

Homeless “Driven” to Vote Obama

By JEANE MacINTOSH

Last updated: 10:27 am
October 7, 2008
Posted: 9:34 pm
October 6, 2008

CLEVELAND - Volunteers supporting Barack Obama picked up hundreds of people at homeless shelters, soup kitchens and drug-rehab centers and drove them to a polling place yesterday on the last day that Ohioans could register and vote on the same day, almost no questions asked.

The huge effort by a pro-Obama group, Vote Today Ohio, takes advantage of a quirk in the state's elections laws that allows people to register and cast ballots at the same time without having to prove residency.

Republicans have argued that the window could lead to widespread voter fraud because officials wouldn't have an opportunity to verify registration information before ballots were cast.

Among the volunteers were Yori Stadlin and Vivian Lehrer of the Upper West Side, who got married last week and decided to spend their honeymoon shepherding voters to the Cuyahoga County Board of Elections.

Early today, Stadlin's van picked up William Woods, 59, at the soup kitchen of the Bishop Cosgrove Center.

"I never voted before," Woods said, because of a felony conviction that previously barred him from the polls. "Without this service, I would have had no way to get here."

My First Interesting Experience

2008-08-04T11:28:00.003-05:00

I had an interesting experience a week ago after the first of two services I was leading that week. It was only my second Sunday at this particular church, and I was still getting to know people and couldn't entirely tell who were guests and who were members. After the service, as I was greeting everyone that attended the service, a man came up to me and started a conversation.

First off, he stood much closer to me than I was comfortable, and he began to tell me a bit about himself. He informed me that he was not United Methodist, but had taken part in the Walk to Emmaus program and found that to be very good. Here is where things got interesting. He then began to tell me that the United Methodist Church has been out of touch with "true biblical teaching." He stated that as a denomination we have tried to wiggle and justify our positions, but continued to teach people the wrong way. He informed me that I needed to forget and throw-out everything I had been taught, and reread the Bible with a much more literal mindset. This "conversation" only lasted a few moments, but it seemed to happen in slow motion. The entire thing appeared to be rehearsed and went quickly as to not give me a chance to say anything. Afterwards I simply thanked him for sharing his feelings with me and he bolted out the door.

It was very apparent that he only attended the service that morning to tell the new pastor this message. I blew it off at that moment simply because I had others waiting to see me at this church, and I had to then go to another church afterwards for a second worship service. After looking back, I began wondering if this kind of thing would happen more often to me. I asked the senior pastor if he had ever experienced this, and he hadn't. In 8 years at these congregations, he had never had someone come up to him like that.

I began to think a bit on whether this man was going to say this to me anyway, or was it something in my sermon that made him feel that he had to say it. I thought my sermon was pretty sound. I preached on why Jesus taught in parables and the importance to us as a community. I made no radical social or political statements other than we should be gentler in how we reach out to people and not condemn or judge right away. If that was a radical statement, then I'm in for a long 40-plus years of ministry.

I'm sure this may only be a one time thing to happen, but thought that it was interesting it happened to me in the first couple weeks of my first appointment. I'm sure there will be more stories of interesting interactions in the years to come.

A Few Different Things

2008-08-02T15:01:00.003-05:00

A lot has happened since my last blog update, and I should be in a position now to update on a regular basis. I've had much to say, but had to let some of it simmer in my head for a bit so that I didn't write out of anger.

The first big event is that I attended the South Central Jurisdictional Conference in Dallas. I was a lay delegate from Nebraska, and it was my last thing I'll ever do as a lay person in the United Methodist Church. I entered this conference with some high hopes for the leadership of our denomination. We were there to elect 3 new Bishops to serve the church. I was very hopeful that this would be the conference where our jurisdiction would finally elect an African-American female to be a Bishop. However, this did not happen. This conference was a struggle for me to be a part of. It was draining physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I don't want to write every detail here, but the obvious part that sexism and racism played in this conference was very disheartening to me. I had a couple conversations with people from different conferences about how an African-American woman wouldn't fit the culture of their conference. This one conversation put me over the edge and created a anger inside of me. How is this even a valid reason to prevent an election of a gifted leader to be Bishop, and how is something like that even have a place in the church? I became more and more disillusioned at this process as it went on. Just to set the record straight, I have attended this conference before and I was aware of it being overly political, but I still hoped that this time might be a little different. I left this conference more committed to social justice ministry within the church, and with a deeper understanding of my call to ministry. I also came away with new friends in the progressive movement in the church, so I suppose some helpful things did come about.

On to another event in my life recently, I began my first appointment on July 1. I am now serving 3 rural congregations near Lincoln, Nebraska, as an Associate Pastor. So far everything has gone smoothly, and I'm still feeling things out. It's hard to get to know people when I am not preaching in the same church every week, but I'm starting to remember people now. I'm excited for the ministry that has gone on in this parish, and am hopeful for the future. I don't plan on moving to a new appointment for 3 years, which is when I graduate, but I've learned that you can never be too sure of anything in this system.

I've also settled into my new apartment in Lincoln, and really enjoy living on my own know. I've established my residence here, and even got my new driver's license this week. For the first time since I was 2 years old, I am not a resident of Wahoo, Nebraska.

I'm looking forward to getting back to Kansas City and seeing everyone at school. I'm sure we all have tons to talk about, and I'm ready to get back into the swing of classes.

Grace and Peace,
Z

Just Read It, That's all I'm Going To Say

2008-07-12T12:24:00.000-05:00

Pope Benedict: I'm praying for Anglican church

Story Highlights
Pope Benedict XVI says that he is praying for the Anglican community
Pope prays after Church of England's ruling body voted to support women bishops
Benedict says he doesn't want to see more 'schisms and fractures'

(AP) -- Pope Benedict XVI said Saturday that he is praying there will not be any more rifts in the Anglican community following the recent Church of England decision on women bishops.

Answering questions from journalists aboard his flight to Australia, Benedict touched briefly on the turmoil in the Anglican church.

"I am praying so that there are no more schisms and fractures" within the Anglican community, Benedict said.

On Monday, the Church of England's ruling body voted its support for women to become bishops. That stance risks causing further division among Anglicans, since traditionalists are opposed to that idea.

The Episcopal Church, the Anglican body in the U.S., is led by a woman, Presiding Bishop Katharine Jefferts Schori.

The Anglican Communion, a 77 million-member family of churches that trace their roots to the Church of England, is also wrestling with other contentious issues -- gay clergy and the blessing of same-sex marriages.

Benedict said he did not want to "interfere" in the debate.

Still, the Vatican on Tuesday said the decision by the Church of England to allow women to become bishops will be an obstacle to its reconciliation with the Roman Catholic Church. The Vatican does not permit the ordination of women.

Anglicans split from Rome more than four centuries ago, when English King Henry VIII bolted in 1534 after papal refusal to grant him a marriage annulment.

Catholics and Anglicans have been engaged in talks to overcome theological divisions.

Find this article at:
http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/europe/07/12/pope.anglican.ap/index.html

A Look Back...

2008-07-03T11:20:00.003-05:00

It has been a month since I've updated my blog, so here it goes.

I am now living in my own apartment in Lincoln, Nebraska. It's a nice place with an extra bedroom for an office. Maybe for once in my life I will keep things organized. I'm still getting settled in. I have a couple things to move here still and need to get my desk so that I can complete my office setup.

Annual Conference came and went. It seemed to be fairly calm and boring this year. I did enjoy the social side of the time spent there. It was good to see old friends, and get to know a few new ones. Our conference is in the midst of a huge shift in our structure and the way we do ministry, so it is a bit frightening to not know where we will be in a year or two. I'm glad that we are trying something new though, things have been stagnant for awhile now, and we need some change. Hopefully the conference will get around to hiring a new youth person that will be full-time.

I also attended the Nebraska Democratic Convention in June. It was fun to be a part of that and meet different people from across the state. I had to struggle real hard to not volunteer and sign up for campaign things. I really second guess my decision to become a pastor during election season. Maybe once I graduate from seminary and settle in a community, I will run for school board. I guess I can always run for state legislature in retirement.

This Sunday is my first in the pulpit at my new appointment, which also happens to be my first appointment. This week I only preach at one of the three, which is a nice way to ease into things. I'm really excited and ready to get started. It will take some time to figure out my schedule and how to do things, but that's why summer is great...flexibility.

I leave in a couple weeks for Jurisdictional Conference. I don't get as prepared for this as General Conference. We now have 3 bishops instead of 4 to elect. One bishop decided not to retire after the retirement age was raised at General Conference. I have a slate of candidates who I'd like to see elected, but I'm realistic and would be surprised to see any of them end up bishops.

Well, I better get back to working on my sermon and setting up my apartment.

Peace,
Z

One Reflection of General Conference

2008-05-04T01:46:00.005-05:00

This is the video of the Witness that took place on the floor of General Conference. It was very moving experience. I found myself experiencing the Spirit of God during this time in ways I have not felt in a long time. The most powerful part to me was the bishops who were willing to stand to show their acknowledgment of the divide in our church, and the need for change. I found myself unable to control my emotions during this time, and began to cry during a couple occasions during the witness. The first was when the singing began and I saw all of the people standing in unity with those offering the witness, and the other when Bishop Melvin Talbert went to the microphone to offer the following words:

"My name is Melvin Talbert. I am one of your bishops. In this General Conference we have been reminded that in 1939 this church took an action that separated my sisters and brothers into a separate jurisdiction. That action was wrong. That action was a sin against God. Thank God we have moved through and discontinued that segregated structure. But my sisters and brothers, here we are again. In the name of Jesus Christ, we have taken an action that is wrong. At least for the Central Jurisdiction we remained within a structure and we worked out the relationships. But for these sisters and brothers we have chosen to leave them out rather than invite them into work out our relationships in the name of Christ. I can do no other than to say what’s on my heart. General Conference, General Conference, This is wrong. I invite you to reconsider."

When the vote first occurred on the issues around sexuality, I felt an urge to be angry and finally leave the denomination. I knew that I had a place in the UCC, and would be more than comfortable there. As this witness occurred, and I spoke to people who were also struggling with these stances, I realized the need to stay and work for justice. I am able to be ordained because my sexual orientation is accepted by the church, and I can work for change within the system. I pray that we may be able to be an open church for all people, and realize that above all things, Love is the call of God.

I'll have other reflections over the next few weeks, but I started with this one.

Grace and Peace,
Z

Almost Done

2008-05-01T23:48:00.002-05:00

Sorry about not being able to update as regularly as I wanted. Most nights I get to my hotel around midnight and then have to be up at 5:30am. The last few days have been very long and hard. The General Conference did vote to maintain exclusive language in the discipline as it relates to homosexuality. The debate was hurtful and saddening at many times. There was an option to pass a petition that included language, in which I see much truth, that we do not agree on the issue of homosexuality and that we can still be faithful members of the church.

Today (Thursday) there was a witness on the floor of the General Conference by those who were most hurt by this vote. The Council of Bishops allowed this show of witness to the entire body. This was a very moving moment that brought me to tears many times. Bishops, Clergy, and Laity were seen showing there support to the community of people we have institutionally discriminated against. The very moving part was to see the Bishops who stood in support of this cause. Many of them put themselves in positions to be criticized publicly, and for that they should be thanked.

I plan on offering a more detailed look back on General Conference once the sessions are over and I am back in Kansas City. I should have that posted sometime this weekend.

Peace with Justice,
Z

Sunday Update

2008-04-27T19:07:00.004-05:00

Today was a tough day emotionally and physically. My legislative committee spent a good portion of the day debating the language in Paragraph 304 of the United Methodist Book of Discipline. That paragraph deals with requirements/restrictions to ordination. My sub-committee also dealt with this paragraph. In the end the committee voted, by a margin of 20, to maintain language that states the homosexuality is incompatible with Christian teaching and that self-avowed practicing homosexuals cannot being appointed.

This process was very emotional and tiring. For the most part, it was a civil discussion. My biggest problem was the arguments that said that acceptance of our LGBT members would lead to a moral backslide that leads to polygamy, unsafe place for children, and cult activity. One member of the committee paralleled homosexuality and the recent events in Texas with the fundamentalist sect that was raided by the government.

This decision greatly saddens me. I don't understand the hate that comes this way. I don't hate those who I think miss use and mistreat the teachings of Jesus. It's hard being a supporter of LGBT rights with the way I'm looked at and treated, but it is small in comparison to those in the LGBT community and deal with it all the time. It's times like this I find it hard to continue in the ordination process in the United Methodist Church. As an elder, I would be called upon to maintain an institution and doctrine I do not agree with in major ways.

One moving moment today was when a Swahili interpreter stopped mid-translation to state that he was merely interpreting and that it pained him to say these words, since they were not his own belief. Our chair of the committee, Dr. Mary Elizabeth Moore, has been a very strong leader and has been an inspiration. She shared today how hard it is to lead and present a decision to the General Conference that she did not agree with, but the love she had for the church and the people would lead her to do all she could to present the will of our committee.

It's been a long day, and I'll have more reflection and reactions later. Time is not on my side for many updates at this time.

Grace and Peace,
Z

Quick Update

2008-04-27T19:06:00.000-05:00

This will be short since I'm updating from my phone. My legislativegroup moved slowly yesterday. Today we will be discussing ordinationstandards, specifically around sexuality. It will be a test to theunity in holy conferencing we have been striving for.Yesterday my group discussed gender and how it is defined. We didn'thave any motions or votes, just discussion. People on all sides areconfused and curious about what we should do. As issues around genderidentity and sexual orientation become more personal for people, itbecomes more difficult to be dogmatic and theoretical on these issues.This gives me hope. Let's hope I feel this way after today.Grace and

Peace,
Z

First Full Day

2008-04-25T09:23:00.003-05:00

We've completed our first full day of General Conference. So far, the highlights have definitely been the worship and music. During our times together, it is obvious to feel the Spirit in the convention center. The day was filled with initial reports from different areas of the church. Worship flowed right into the Episcopal Address. I found the address to be very hope filled, but my skepticism is still coming through. I hear about recruiting young clergy, and reaching to younger people, but I never hear how the church is going to do this.

My favorite part of the day was the Young People's Address. The report was filled with energy and excitement. These young people get the church. They spoke of bridging gaps and rising above our divisions, but needing to respect each other in that process. They were not afraid to take the "tough" issues head on. Many people here try to get around saying that we don't agree on issues about sexuality, gender, and race. These people had no problem with that. This report left me hopeful that there can be a future in the church. I only can pray that others in attendance will take this all seriously.

We began our work in legislative groups. My group is the Faith and Order Committee. The chair we elected is Dr. Mary Elizabeth Moore, who spoke at Saint Paul last fall. We didn't get into any actual business during the first day. We spent time getting to know others on the committee and setting a town for a civil process of legislation.

That's all for now, hopefully we will start having some detail filled days were I can share interesting happenings.

Grace and Peace,
Z

Nothing Big Yet

2008-04-24T13:57:00.003-05:00

Well, I am well into the first full day of General Conference. Last night's opening worship was amazing. I found it to be a really good start to things. The service was very good for a experiential person like me. Lots of music, dancing, color, and excitement. After worship, we went into the business portion. Then, I felt like going home. I didn't get back to the hotel until around 11:45pm. I had to be ready to go by 6:00am this morning.

One thing that bothered me yesterday was a debate on whether we should have parliamentarians appointed to legislative groups. The debate turned into white, middle-aged men from Southern US against it, and minority groups for it. It overwhelmingly passed, but was a debate that stressed me out.

I report more tonight on the days activities, including the first ever Young Persons Address...which was awesome.

It's Time...

2008-04-22T20:25:00.003-05:00

At 8:30am tomorrow morning, I will board a plane for Ft. Worth, Texas. The last year has gone by fast, and it is hard to believe that it is time for General Conference. While I have many personal hopes for the event, most of all I hope for a civil discussion where every point of view is allowed to be brought forward. Adam put a very good prayer for General Conference on his blog. I also hope that we can fulfill God's call for us in these situations and our time is not spent entirely on political maneuvering and back room fighting.

Update: I will blog from my personal point of view, with all of my personal bias and possible cynicism on this blog. If you would like to see my contribution to the reporting for the Nebraska Annual Conference, check it out here.

Please keep all of us in Ft. Worth in your prayers. The days are long, and the discussions emotional; every extra prayer will help.

Grace and Peace,
Z

Couldn't resist after last blog...

2008-03-29T23:10:00.003-05:00

After my last blog, I saw this on the Lincoln Journal Star Website. The artist, Neal Obermeyer, always seems to sum up recent political situations quite well. Thought I would share it with everyone.

Grace and Peace,
Z

Frustrating Thoughts

2008-03-27T14:16:00.003-05:00

This week the Nebraska Legislature debated and voted on a bill to abolish the death penalty as an option for murder convictions. Sen. Ernie Chambers, in his final year of service due to newly term limits, offered the push for this bill as he has for the last 30 years. I really thought that it may actually get passed this time around. Much to my disappointment, the bill failed 28-20.

In early February, the Nebraska Supreme Court ruled that the electric chair is cruel and unusual. For those of you that don't know, electrocution is the only means of death in Nebraska. More info on the ruling can be found here: New York Times.
Yes, Nebraska now allows for the death penalty without any means of imposing that punishment. I like to think of this as the "systems" way of "sticking it to themselves."

I watched much of the floor debate on television as I sat in Nebraska during break. I wanted to be there in person, but my recent encounter with a deer prohibited that. Through watching this, I realized how politicians generalize statements and rarely use any logic that would be acceptable in a entry level philosophy class. Those who favored keeping the death penalty stated that no matter what there personal convictions were, they had to respect the polls that showed a majority of Nebraskans supported the death penalty. Now, any of us that have taken any statistics or political polling class now that these polls can be misleading and favor a certain demographic...like people who own telephones and have the numbers listed! Forget any of the polling problems, it seemed very much like a way to sidestep any moral responsibility for their vote. "I have to represent the people, now what I think". Bull! If we never made a decision on what was right versus what is popular we would have many socially devastating laws and institutions in place. Yes, I'm referring to slavery and state sponsored racism.

My greatest problem all of this is that the political might of the churches should help get the death penalty abolished once and for all. Two large churches in a vast majority of Nebraska communities is the Catholic church and the United Methodist Church. Both of these religious communities oppose the use of the death penalty. Pro-Life anyone? If each of these churches educated its members on their position on the issue, I can almost guarantee the thoughts of the majority would change. I'm too lazy to find the language around the Catholic church's comments about the death penalty, but here is the stance of the United Methodist Church.

"We believe the death penalty denies the power of Christ to redeem, restore and transform all human beings. The United Methodist Church is deeply concerned about crime throughout the world and the value of any life taken by a murder or homicide. We believe all human life is sacred and created by God and therefore, we must see all human life as significant and valuable. When governments implement the death penalty (capital punishment), then the life of the convicted person is devalued and all possibility of change in the person's life ends. We believe in the resurrection of Jesus Christ and that the possibility of reconciliation with Christ comes through repentance. This gift of reconciliation is offered to all individuals without exception and gives all life new dignity and sacredness. For this reason, we oppose the death penalty (capital punishment) and urge its elimination from all criminal codes."(Social Principles,¶ 164G)

Scripture reference: Matthew 5:38-39 and John 8:1-10

I find it difficult to sit and have meaningful conversation with people who support the death penalty. Inevitably it will always come to, "If someone in your family is killed, don't you want to see that person suffer the same way?" It's that exact situation that makes want to have the death penalty abolished. I don't want the ability for that to happen. I most likely won't be of sound mind when the process would come about, and the State will kill someone with my support. Governments should not kill! If the option isn't there, then we can assure that mistakes don't happen. Don't get me wrong, murderers need to be punished. I think that life in prison is more than suitable punishment. Insert argument: "Why should we pay for them to sit around their whole life?" My answer, GOVERNMENTS SHOULDN'T KILL PEOPLE! Also, research has shown that the cost of life in prison is less expensive than the entire death row experience.

Okay, I've vented enough for now. Just had to get these thoughts down. They may not all be coherent, but it's a start. Oh, by the way, I hit a deer with my car on the way home for Easter. $3000 in damage. I'm fine, the car will be. Thankfully I have good insurance and it won't cost too much out of pocket. Just more stress than I need right now.

Grace and Peace,
Z

Hmmm...

2007-12-17T02:37:00.000-06:00

After the first week

2007-09-06T19:55:00.000-05:00

Well, I am officially a graduate student. Not only that, but a seminarian. This week has been stressful, overwhelming, exciting, inspiring, frightening, calming, and many other things all rolled into a single week period in Kansas City.

I have realized how little work I did as an undergraduate student. I never really developed a good discipline for studying or completing work. That is now beginning to attack me full force. I am 3/4 of the way through the reading for one course. I've spent two days on it. Luckily, this week I only had 2 courses. Next week I add 3 more classes on Monday. I know things will probably settle down over time, and I will learn to adapt and complete the things I need to get by, but at this point it is too much.

The new job is going okay so far. Still not really sure what will go on, but I'm starting to see a few things form. I am going to attempt to start 2 groups at first, which will be primarily lead by me. It looks like we will have a movie viewing/discussion group and a topical/faith issues group. I really hope the college students are as interested as they seem to be in all of this. I really don't have the time to be a lot of effort into something that is totally going to flop.

I'm learning to take time for my own spiritual discipline, which is something I haven't done well in the past. I attend some type of worship service 4 days a week. 2 of those are at Saint Paul on Tuesday and Wednesday, 1 is on Thursday at Baker, and finally I go to a church on Sunday. It has been nice to be able to be a part of a congregation, and not part of the leadership.

I hope to find time to update this often and use it as a reflective tool with what I am doing in my life.